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25 Tips for Ensuring a Happy and Strong Marriage in your Retirement Years

retirement can redefine your marriage For Better or For Worse Better or Worse did I say that to us when we got married I think for did I make that vow I don't think so oh come on oh maybe but this new chapter retirement brings both opportunities and challenges to your relationship you know while divorce rates are down in the US gray divorce which is divorce over the age of 50 is on the uptick we don't want you to become part of those statistics no this video is going to be great we're going to give you is it 25 tips for a healthy marriage in retirement in retirement and I want you to pay attention to this I'm going to and me too all right now if you're new here my name is Mark and this is my wife jod and we don't focus on the financial aspects of retirement but rather lifestyle Health relationships and more so if you like this video and you like watching us please hit the Subscribe button and the notification button and we would be forever grateful if you could share this with someone that you care about who who's on their retirement Journey too so I don't know if we've got you know um I can't think of a story that really resonates with listen we know people who got who get divorced you know they they retire One retires and the next thing you know they're divorced and it's probably because they spent all their time apart then they're together and it's um it can be difficult well I also think you know as people are together for longer and longer periods of times without good healthy communication people change and you either need to acknowledge and embrace the change or discuss and discourage the change whatever your thing might be but but you know it all it all comes back down to how important that core unit is yeah and I think that I think that for sure the the marriage that you had when you began was super special that's why you got married and then you had maybe you had children you had your career years and now it's time to rebuild it because times are different and you want to have a good healthy happy marriage for sure and that's what this video is all about absolutely now before we jump into the teaching there's a quick download that we'd love for you to look at if you haven't received it yet on the downsizing dilemma it's one of our most popular downloads so take a look at that because that's something that comes up in a marriage discussion as well once you hit retirement so and you know stay till the end because we're going to give you five action steps to begin the process of building your stronger marriage that's that's key you're going to love that so what's the first step or the first thing we want to talk about for a healthy marriage I feel like this is the first step in quite a few of the videos we do especially as you're in retirement or entering into retirement and it's really communication you know communication is key establishing daily check-ins you know sharing retirement expectations and goals discussing any changes in roles and responsibilities that may come up and also addressing any unresolved issues and addressing them calmly right well so yeah so well yep so well so I'm just trying to think communication and we like you said we do a lot of this this is so important and some people don't even let the conversation start and that's bad they hold back I think men in particular they're afraid to be vulnerable with their wives because they don't want to they're afraid of how you might react let's say so they don't really want to open up how they feel right but this is something we all need to get over to be able to in a kind caring slow thoughtful way share with your partner how you're feeling share with them what you're concerned about share with them what right what what you can do for them today we have daily check-ins every morning we have coffee together for 30 minutes around yoga and cycling and my exercise and walk in the dog 30 minutes a day we kind of establish where are we how are we feeling how are we showing up how do we help each other out and sometimes that 30 minutes gets away from us not going to lie with um social media pressures YouTube comment responding and you know so we do our check-in I don't know if I'd give us the full 30 minutes anymore I feel like that's really cut down to maybe 15 or 20 one cup of coffee and then we got a roll well we should fix that yeah we should because because that's important yeah and we want to be honest about what we're really doing so yeah so I mean here's a here's a little tip if you're just retired or whatever spend 30 minutes each day checking in with each other it's a good one all right Second One Financial transparency typically one or the other of the spouses handles the money right there now needs to be complete transparency with both on how much money you have how much money is coming in how much money is going out what your big expenses are understanding each other spending habits you know on Amazon or wherever you know you just you need to really be open and transparent about that and not not withhold anything well and I think it's it's important because you want to plan for any unexpected expenses right you want to talk about any Financial fears or insecurities you might have and then maybe even consult a financial advisor together you know but really fully creating the space where you know everybody you know let's just all talk about what we're spending and what we're spending it on is a really good first step well and particularly if you both retire at the same time or One retires early there's not the same amount of money coming in right so there can't be the same amount of money going out that's got you've got to curtail your expenses and that's a hard conversation to have no one wants to be told we can't afford that or I don't like you spend so much money on that so but you have to be open about it and you know it's funny the third thing is a lot of um couples that we spoke to talked a lot about having Shar shared an individual interest as one of the key cornerstones to cultivating a really healthy marriage as they age you know some common activities and hobbies they respect and support also though their individual interests or needs so we have pickle ball MH we have golf you have your own golf mhm I have yoga you have yoga I have cycling so that's we have some stuff together and then you know we dinner time when I'm cooking Jody's helping me or you're cooking we're kind of in the kitchen together so I think it's just you know versus you do your thing I do my thing and you know we meet at the end of the day yeah no so you got to really balance togetherness and Independence yep and encourage each other to continue to grow and learn and and try new things you know a lot of times we have couples that one has a ton of hobbies and interest and one doesn't have any so you know it's really encouraging each other I think at the same time so as we age um our health and wellness becomes more important so number four is sharing doing building a life around health and wellness together and that means exercising regularly together adopting a a healthy diet as a couple making sure we both go see our doctors and we actually have the same uh skin doctor the same GP the same uh naturopath doctor so we go together right um you know I drive Jody sits next to me or do you sit in the back I drive Miss dais I would love that that could be Miss Daisy I think that um doing that together and being open and honest about what the doctor says right and Shar you know talking about medication prioritizing sleep and rest that's got to be an open part of your discussion again this is about having a healthy marriage right and it's hard to PRI prioritize sleep and rest if you're on different schedules you know Mark is a super early riser 4 in the morning I'm more of a six o00 girl um um so you know you like to get into bed a lot earlier I commit to getting in bed at the same time as you but then I want to read because I can't go to sleep that early so it's just really having again that conversation I think the next one which leads into uh quality time and romance planning regular date nights even in retirement celebrating anniversaries and special occasions showing appreciation and in and affection every day how do we do that well when we wake up in the morning you're already awake I wake up and come out I walk the dog and I always come in and give you a kiss yeah before you brush your teeth I do driv are crazy bad it's a tight kiss it's like this I'm a teeth brusher I like a good teethbrush well to your point you know um you reached this phase of life and maybe the romance is gone or it's the flame is not as high you really need to reignite that flame you need to work on it and if you need listen if you need therapy you should get therapy but if you want to help healthy romance you need to have quality time together healthy marriage you need to have quality time together and you need to have romance I mean you need to if you have to schedule can I say sex sure if you want to schedule sex to have sex schedule it we did a great video on sex after 60 or something yeah with a therapist a therapist and she at the end said listen if you're having trouble with sex and it's not happening she gave us exercise at the end get in to bed together naked touch each other all over but it can't seexual right have we done that yet I I don't know but you you went there really really fast I just thought about it for people who are stuck here because you're watching this video and you're think we don't have any romance don't give up right don't give up give up for sure for sure okay uh the sixth thing would be navigating social changes right building a Social Circle with other retirees staying connected with family and friends volunteering and engaging in community activities all of these things to address any feeling ings of loneliness or isolation you might have even hosting Gatherings you know into your home together so we're having dinner tonight with friends that live across the street another couple and they become sort of our group therapy couple because we're really open about our marriages and our struggles and some things that we're doing new you know that that's like unheard of but we are so comfortable with them and comfortable with each other we're okay sharing and they're okay sharing and it's really nice to have another couple that you can talk openly about your relationship it's true right yeah that's true yeah for sure all right number seven continuous learning and growth this is really important a lot of people think I'm done with my career and I'm just going to sit back I don't really need to learn anything gosh there's so much you can learn or relearn or unlearn the wrong way and learn the right way you can take classes you can do workshops together share knowledge we're always always kind of quizzing each other on on what we're learning the big word for this curiosity yeah stay curious curious and open to new experiences you know I hate playing cards I hate games I really do you can just ask our kids cuz they ask him all the time so we had dinner with these couple we're seeing again tonight couple a week ago and said you guys want to come over at 5:30 for pizza and play cards I'm like the pizza part I like I actually had the greatest time ever playing cards I didn't want it to end I know and I went in there with a different mindset I said you know what different experience everyone around me all my kids they love cards and I don't right it's not wrong with them it's wrong with me so this is still under the continuous learning learning bucket so even a card game is a good thing well 7A right between seven and eight is learning how to play cards there you go so we know we have to put it in there 28 y um you know adapting to a new home Dynamic you know you're both there full-time now that's different right it is different you need to redefine household responsibilities and kind of create your own personal spaces within your home and discuss expectations about home life you know does one of you like to watch The Morning News and the other wants to read the paper in quiet well back in the day one could go to the office and read the paper and the other could you know get dressed while the news was on or whatever it might be but there's going to be big changes and really need to navigate those changes inside your daily routine and talk about it so when your Dynamics are a little when you're a little at of sort you're at home and you're at of sorts with what's happening what your wife or husband is doing you have to find um time and space to address any conflicts promptly right I and constructively I was always the worst if things weren't the way I wanted them to be and they were out of s sorts i' withdraw into my cave and I would go in there and I'd shut down I'd be quiet that is the worst thing that I ever did to you I don't think I do it anymore at all maybe 10% but I used to go 120% all in and you'd say to me all day you okay I'm fine you're kind of quiet I just don't feel like talking but the difference was our home Dynamics were changing and you weren't really was I wasn't yeah what you were concerned about I wasn't addressing the conflict properly so now something happens I say hey I want to let you know how what you just did made me feel not looking for a response and just open up a line of communication the ninth thing would be respecting and understanding each other just kind of in a broad C category right acknowledging and validating each other's feelings being patient with each other to any adjustments that is required As you move through this transition yeah and I think cultivating um a feeling of empathy and compassion is really important and respecting each other's viewpoints we don't agree on a lot of things but I respect your Viewpoint and you respect mine and then we decide what we're going to do going forward and honestly I think that practicing forgiveness if you cannot forgive your partner for something they did 10 minutes ago or 10 years ago you're going to carry that around and it's going to be a wound that's going to prevent you from really getting close again I age so I agree I'm not great at forgiving you're really good at forgiving do you forgive me for all of my sins do I know all of your sins well to you oh yes oh good so Lu we started fresh I'm glad I'm glad we got to this one today no I'm again I joke around a lot forgiveness is really important we're going to make mistakes we're going to say stupid things going to we're going to be a jerk sometimes and I think you just need to apologize own up to it and forgive the other person okay the 10th thing is future plan planning really discussing long-term goals and dreams you know plan for any potential health issues that one or the other of you might have consider your living arrangements later in life what do you both Envision that to look like you know update your Wills your legal documents and talk about any Legacy and Family Matters talk about them early and talk about them often and talk about them together right you don't jod has three daughters I have three sons you know we we we have I talked to my boys about certain things J talks to her girls but anything about future planning trips Legacy Family Matters Jody and I talk to them together it's really important to be United on that particularly with a blended family 100% for sure all right so there's there's a lot of change in this phase of life so number 11 is embracing change together you know accepting the change that retirement brings you're both home home now you're both there all day long and you need to be open to adjusting plans and your expectations and gosh you got to have a lot of flexibility right yeah and you have to really realize and we all need to realize as this huge generation of us is embracing and moving in through the transition of retirement that it is one of the top 20 most stressful events you'll ever go through in your life is retiring oddly enough so you know celebrate this new phase of life together and support each other through the transition even though you might not be at the same phase yeah you know I think that uh we talked about health before and we talked about Legacy and talking about embracing change um taking care of each other as we age you know one of the things that maybe we haven't talked enough about really is what if one of us gets sick right yeah you going to take care of me of course I will oh good no but I think that's important because all of a sudden it's upon you yeah and you haven't talked about it now it's kind of a shock right um so I think that's that's really important um number 12 effective conflict resolution again for me I was really bad at this I'm a lot better but when there's some conflict really need to develop healthy ways to address disagreements you can't blame um you want to focus on Solutions right you really don't want to blame the other person okay something happened what can we do to fix it right and you have to practice some active listening skills right where you're asking questions along the way not closed-ended questions but open-ended questions and really showing empathy for what the other person's going through and feeling free to take a time out if this discussion gets heated Mark will do that sometimes he'll say up I'm full I had enough we're going to have to pause on this and I'm right mid stride and you get mad at me I do because it's hard because I'm I'm a task completion person so I'm ready to just work it all out and you need more time than I do so working towards compromise for Mutual satisfaction I think makes a big difference there's a couple I know that have a code word I honestly think it was my brother and his wife but there's a code word so when things are getting heated things are out of control they had a code word that they would say one of them would say and that just kind of said okay it's time to take a break instead of continuing the yelling or the screaming or the pushing or the blaming just saying you know what I this isn't working right now I want to come up with a solution but we're headed in the wrong direction let's take a little pause well I know our daughter Evan and her boyfriend Hayden have a conversation where if it's going in a wrong direction one or the other will say let's roll that back oh and that gives the person a chance to roll back the direction or what does that mean like a undo what you just said no not undo it like like let's let's roll that back because this isn't going in the right direction and they can then have a conversation about redirecting the conversation I thought it was a good Str again this is about healthy marriages healthy relationships so these are all good tips and good ideas and the 13th one we kind of discussed a little bit earlier but maintaining intimacy and closeness prioritizing your physical and emotional intimacy which I think is really as important as the physical intimacy you know CU as you get older your intimacy needs change and be open to new ways of expressing love and kindness right scheduling regular time for intimacy which I think you already talked about when is that Sundays at 3 and um is that when it is I don't know got footballs on I don't know if that's I tell you what it's today at 5 um but also seeking professional help you know if you need to face some challenges together don't be afraid of getting therapy right either individually or as a couple if you've been together for 20 or 30 or 40 years gosh don't you know this whole saying about the grass is greener on the other side it's so true and do the best you can to work through your problems but get some professional help if you need it the other thing you really need is a supportive Network right and again I talk about a couple across the street he's a great guy for me to go to he understands me he understands jod he understands our relationship I can talk to him about something I'm struggling with with jod and he's really good at just saying you know not really saying a lot just listening so building a supportive Network for yourself and as a couple I think is important yeah I think to really maintain friendships that enrich your marriage right support your marriage you know connecting with individuals or other couples that are in the Life same life stage as you participating in community or religious group you know activities you know that you can do together you know and offering support to friends and then accepting that support back in return I think is really important during this stage and I think the children too you know our our children are adults now you know my sons are 30 I'll get this wrong 38 36 34 more or less they're they're grown young men yeah they are and they do provide a a supportive Network for me we don't share like when we're struggling but just to have conversations with them is helpful too and you're really good with your daughters yeah but I I think with the girls I actually do share when I'm struggling because I I value their perspective so that might be well a new layer for you and the boys well maybe me a new layer for the girls and I cuz I'm picking up um Maddie tomorrow uh at the airport and I'll be with her for an hour and a half so I could check in with her on what you're telling her okay is that what we think is that how it's going to go all right setting personal and Joint goals you know um a healthy marriage needs growth it needs uh fun it needs excitement and you need to have some goals as a human being and as a couple so we do a lot of individual goals but we do a lot of joint goals we do we do and celebrating those achievements big and small keeping each other accountable and motivated you know is uh It's Tricky but it's something that I think really supports this one about setting goals and celebrate achievements you know I had a I'm almost finished with my book and there's been a whole bunch of different achievements and you've been my biggest fan yeah well I'm excited for it yeah I am too but you know I think I think keeping each other accountable to their goals too and being motivated is really important okay here's one we're struggling with we struggle with this one I'm surprised it's number 16 well it's not in any kind of order but managing time effectively we gosh you know we have this business we love it YouTube Channel's doing great uh but you know balancing personal time couple time so couple time for us is pick a ball Tuesdays and Thursdays and golf on Thursday and we're missing out on that right now yeah we got the puppy we little Ruby which helps but you've really got to spend some time at this and allocate time for relaxation and Leisure right for each other and alone time and and really prioritize the tasks and activities that are most important and everything can't be important right and then also be flexible to some spontaneous plans I think that's where we really fail I love spontaneity did I say it right I think you did spontaneity um 17 enhancing your emotional intelligence This falls under communication but really work on understanding each other's emotions when when I see that you are I'm going to say wound up or stressed or anxious it's because you're concerned about making sure what you're working on people will appreciate and and that it'll be the best that you can deliver and that's a great thing that you feel that way but I know it takes a lot of energy and I'm getting much better at recognizing that you're not stressed out you're not mad you're not angry you're just trying to make something really good for somebody else right right and I think learning to express that constructively really helps because sometimes when you just say you know like well what's a matter and I'm like well nothing's the matter I'm just deep into a research project or I'm deep into writing a script or I'm deep into you know trying to find a new book that we can you know help you know with clients or whatever but sometimes when you just say what's the matter it puts me on my heels for sure you like this is kind of like us kind of revealing it's like doing therapy with a camera exactly they're not saying anything I know leave the comments below let us know what you think but the other thing is that Jody and I are getting really good at and we're you know listen we're we're a work in progress defin we're a work in progress but we're we're study this stuff for ourselves and for you but recognize and appreciate each other's strengths and we're getting so much better at that I kind of give you free Liberty on what you're good at and I don't worry about it right and then we try to engage in activities that boost our emotional well-being you know we sometimes we meditate together we journal in the morning at the same time so here's a big one for couples you know trying to stay together and happy and that is really handling health challenges together you know really being prepared for age related health issues support each other through any health setbacks share responsibility and Health Care Management and stay informed about each other's medical needs you know this is the way to encourage a proactive approach to health and wellness and I think we we spout that a lot well we spout it but we haven't dealt with it we're very fortunate that both of us are healthy and there there's some minor things but nothing really bad knock on wood but someone left a comment on YouTube just uh this morning she just retired she's 62 her husband is 20 years older and because of that her they've been married for a long time because of that her dreams of traveling now have kind of vanished and she's struggling with that right and so so things like that can happen to your to your relationship if one of you does get sick and they can't TR so you really need to have backup plans or or talk ahead of time that you know if you do get sick we're not going to travel I'm fine with that yeah my sister-in-law's mom does that her husband can't travel for some health related issues and she goes everywhere but they agree upfront the things that he can do locally they do together and then the things she does abroad she does with girlfriend that's such a great example we should really add that comment for that couple because there's something a 62 and an 80-year-old can do together right and the younger partner can still do some stuff alone absolutely I love that absolutely all right continue to Foster mutual respect for each other you know this feeling of uh oh I don't know taking advantage taking for granted yeah is that what what you making Google I again no but you really want to stay consistent with your respect in words and actions appreciate each other's contributions to the relationship yeah and really celebrate each other 's uniqueness right practicing kindness and gratitude for each other every day even on Small Things y you know this morning Mark made the bed I'll be honest that doesn't happen a lot not what do you mean well I usually 20% of I'm last person out of bed so I figure I'm the person to make the bed but this morning you made the bed and it was really kind and I was very grateful my friend John won't let his wife make the bed cuz he makes it so much better than anybody he does it tight he does it tight does um all right come on on number 20 plan for the unexpected so plan for it at least discuss it right so discuss and prepare for unforeseen events financial problem a health problem a death of of uh a friend and you need a continuously plan for emergencies you really have to be you have to talk about everything that could potentially happen so at least you've talked about it and when it happens if it happens you're not totally taken by surprise and really just stay adaptable to life surprises right this time of life there will be some surprises but building a support system with you and your spouse together for tough times you know really really helps and it helps you maintain a positive outlook through all those challenges and this next one is really what's saved our marriage really cultivating a sense of humor I'm the class clown I'm the Joker I create all of the happiness around the house because I get you to laugh every day you really believe that no but we do push ourselves on sense of humor look we're laughing now laugh together regularly see I just did I think it's more important Mark does think he's the funniest man alive you know he'll always say I'm so funny and I'm like yeah where that one didn't land but I do think it's um important not to take yourself so seriously in this phase of life especially if you're trying new hobbies trying new activities trying new things trying new groups trying new religious whatever you're trying that's new you may or may not be good at it so don't take yourself so seriously here's what I do and it does get me in trouble I use humor to diffuse tension if there's tension I'll try to crack a joke sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't because sometimes I'll crack a joke and you'll say I can't believe he just said that right I'm trying to be serious but I I I feel tension and you know that's what I or sometimes you'll just do that laugh well yeah sometimes I just start laughing he just starts laughing and we're in the middle of like a like a tough topic and he'll just start laughing and then I just get incensed and just crazy so and I'm laughing because you're nervous I'm nervous plus I'm thinking maybe she's explained it enough when is when is she going to take a breath give me a chance to weigh in thanks so much that it could be that all right number 22 sharing responsibilities equitably right so dividing some household chores this is important as you are going to spend 7 days a week you know 24 hours a day together dividing chores fairly discussing and agreeing on decision-making process around different things and both of you showing financial responsibility yeah during this phas I think that's a pretty easy one to get your head around but it's something necessarily you have to communicate about it if someone thinks they're doing more of the household chores responsibilities than the other you need to say that right I mean I feel badly that you make the bed every day like you just said on YouTube but I I I'll I'll do it more you what I don't know I'm glad you make the bed when you make it but I made it today and I think I did a good job almost to the end all right practicing gratitude and appreciation appreciation so I journal every morning and I write down my three gratitudes my first one is always jod with a hyphen and something about her I'm grateful for and I know you sneak and look at it sometimes cuzz you live little heart signs and you leave little notes but listen I practice gratitude every day with jod and it's helped our relationship a lot when you really screw up which is rare but you have doesn't matter anymore our relationship is bulletproof I wonder if we should do a whole YouTube segment on when jod screwed up I'd love to see what very rare very rare everyone but no and ALS again I'm joking practicing gratitude and appreciation for the other person is important it doesn't hurt it's not not that hard to say thank you and it doesn't have to be big acts it can be small acts of kindness thank you for making the bed thanks for emptying a dishwasher thanks for cooking dinner right right that's what I want to hear more of okay um keeping a gratitude Journal together I haven't really looked in your Journal you have it am I in there you're in there you and little rucious all right number 24 investing in personal development you know I think it's important and we've done some research that it is important to encourage each other's individual growth you know supporting the new hobbies or educational Pursuits that one or the other of you might want to do and share some learning insights with your partner as you go along the way we we're the king and the queen of this we are so into personal development we can't wait to get our hands on a new book that someone recommended to us we do a lot of reading for you guys I mean all of these these 25 came from books and research so we invest a lot in personal development not money but just time and we share it with each other and we challenge each other it really is helpful all right so here's number 25 and then stay tuned because we have the five action steps we're going to leave you with celebrate your milestones and your retirement achievements celebrate your retirement mileston Milestones yeah we're married uh 14 years it's past August coming on 15 next year I'm 67 you'll be 40 2 I'll be 42 I love that idea I know but I think reflecting on your journey and your grow together is important and we do talk about this a lot we've come a long way from 15 years ago or 17 years ago whatever and you know we're always readapting rethinking about our future milestones and and and really these retirement experiences that we're having we try to share them with each other you know whether it's hey I'm really nervous I'm joining a ladi's golf league I you know I'm not a great golfer I'm just a learner but and I don't know a person there and I'm nervous but I shared that with you in a vulnerable way um you know you said you know just go get them but go get them go get them you go you got it you go you got it but um okay so here are the five action steps five action steps you can take to build a healthy marriage first one can't say it enough open and honest communication you want to schedule regular uninterrupted uninterrupted time to talk about your day your feelings and your concerns and the other person needs to practice active listening empathy and understanding and again show your appreciation and gratitude every single day I agree number two is joint financial planning we don't do financial planning but reviewing and adjusting your retirement budget together being transparent about spending habits and financial goals and plan for any long-term needs including your health care needs these are really that's really important to do and I think it's it's an important step for everyone it is shouldn't be any undisclosable your financial situation no surprises number three prioritizing health and wellness cannot emphasize this enough communication knowing your finances and being Health um health conscious is really really important we we have a joint exercise routine you know pickle ball and golf and golf isn't really exercise but we do physical activ together we eat together so we adopt a healthy diet we walk together we go to the doctors together um we support each other with our medical concerns and you know we do stress reducing activities you do yoga I do meditation mindful walk so prioritizing health and wellness will lead to a healthier marriage and the fourth thing is to cultivate those shared and individual interest is interests you know identify hobbies and activities you can do to together and encourage and support each other to pursue individual passions I think we talked about that one enough but that's a really important one number five this is it might be hard for you guys but regular relationship check-ins we do it every day we check in with each other every single day I'll admit this morning was a little bit rough this morning was a little crazy a little rough rough um and you know we didn't really get a chance to talk about it but we kind of aired it today on on here so I feel better you know I didn't get a kiss this morning but that's all right but celebrate your accomplishments and Milestones in your marriage revisit and revise your goals but gosh just have a check-in on how you're doing as a couple so listen we covered a lot here today and we hope you made some notes and have a good list to start working on your marriage together so if you like this video this next one don't make these marriage mistakes will be great to watch we outline all the mistakes that you can make that you shouldn't and it really complements what you learned here today so watch this next

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